As toddlers, preteens, adolescents, we girls are all taught the same lesson, over and over. Men are brutes who can’t think about details, will lie to get sex, and we need to settle for what we can get over that. Our only other choice is someone who is overly controlled by a religion or ideology.
Among the qualities recommended to us there was “looking more like a girl,” which always got the most votes. There’s a reason that Paul McCartney is the most famous Beatle: he looked like a lady with those big eyes and long droopy eyelashes.
I stopped trying to find men who acted like and looked like women and accepted the fact that I had no other choices, being a natural hetero. By that I mean that I did not wake up one morning and decide I was attracted to guys. This argument serves me well when I get into a dispute with a homophobe. Use your imagination.
Once I figured all of this out I just started concentrating on men’s auras in the online dating world. Being a smart girl in the years before women’s lib was a guaranteed no-prom-date scenario. I mainly wanted full-time what I had part-time in my 25-year-marriage.
After joining OKCUPID I found thousands of possible matches. Tens of thousands of men have read my profile. Thousands have written me. My hope of finding suitable romantic partners has grown immensely.
Lotsa brainiac dudes out there looking for girl geeks and boffins.
Now that I have freed my mind, something as simple as the angle of a stance can set me off. I don’t have a set of characteristics I require. I am free now to make the best choices for me, not for the other person alone.
I am free to play only with the boys who play nice when they are naughty. No drama, no drama kings. Life is too short. Oh, one more thing. No more Scorpios. I mean it.
I have come to delight in the common traits that my men share. Traits such as voraciousness, insatiability, curiosity, delight, silliness, cameraderie. Yes, I adore your man-traits. I love that you are visual and use that to my advantage. Yes, I want to give you mind-blowing head. I want you to explore me to your heart’s content.
It makes me healthier, and you too. I like dating married men. They have proven they can get along wit women and can keep committments. They don’t need training. (My rant about the unsuitability of the nuclear family will appear here in the near future.)
Here are some rules for brainiac guys who seek smart women.
- Write to me lots!
- Take lots of OKCUPID quizzes.
- Answer lots of OKCUPID questions.
- Tell me what gets you out of bed in the morning besides needing to use the loo.
I want to know how your brain works. I want to know if you are neurotic or nice before I let you get close to me.
At 62, I find myself incredibly popular. I do not understand, but I am not complaining. All of these conversations enrich me, even if we don’t “click.” I have met hundreds of men who find me charming and date-able in the last 8 months. I had to withdraw my profile so I could concentrate on my tax practice.(1)
My health is a little worse than when I last updated my profile. Nevertheless, I still have an active and joyful romantic life. It sustains me through bad times to know that there are people who care.
I now know that there are so many men who are seeking the same love, romance, and peace that I seek.
I want that when you decide you no longer want to keep seeing me, you just say so. You don’t need to invite me out to dinner to do it. I won’t think you are rude. I WILL think you rude if you try to get me to break up with you by acting like a jerk. Just do it.
I do not want to get married again. I like not being property. My self-esteem and my protective instincts operate better when I control my own space.
For example, my building super indicated that he found me a tasty morsel. He’s quite sweet, but I could not afford to surrender my autonomy to that degree. After all, he could enter my apartment any time.
(1) An EA (Enrolled Agent) designation is in my near-future. I have purchased the study materials and have two months to complete the study and the live exams. I am confident of my success.