My life has changed completely since I began the Internet dating experiment 8 years ago. My cousins told me that it was bad for me to be alone all by myself here in the Bay Area during an emotionally vulnerable time, so because I love and respect them, I gave it a try.
Because of Internet dating, I am alive now. The compassion and connection I have developed with a few delightful men+ has kept me healthier and more grounded through some horrifying family tragedies.
I joined Eharmony in January of 2007. Match and Chemistry were both total strikeouts. By accident I found OK C**** in November of 2007 and three days later a very interesting man wrote to me. We dated for 6 years.
I am no trophy, and I am not well-off. I am 63 years old with mobility disabilities, yet I could go out with a different man every day of the year if I wished.
Women, go sign up for Ashley M***** too.** Nowhere else on earth are the odds more in your favor. I met a lovely man there 18 months ago and we are still dating. We see one another once every week or so. Please use a deadend email address, for crying out loud!
Married men or happily-married widowed men are much more reliable and considerate than single men. They are also grateful for your willingness to see them despite their marital or emotional status. Give it a try!*
Women, your account is free at A M******. AM provides tools for you to upload your photos and apply a disguise to them after upload.
During the month I had my account open, more than 600 men either indicated interest by pinging me (free to them) or paying to write me an email. At first, I wrote back to many of those men who seemed interesting. My work started to pile up because I was spending ever more increasing hours writing back to my AM contacts. At least 1/3 of these men were local and dateable. Many were divorced, many widowed, many caring for disabled spouses. Many men whose wives just stopped liking sex wrote to me.
I am sharing this because these services helped me learn more about what I wanted in a relationship and adjust my expectations about my future. I first learned about the concept of sapiosexuality from my good friend Jay Wiseman. You may know me as one of Jay’s lunch b***hs.
Anyway, my dance card is full of sapiosexuals, but if it weren’t, I would do all the things people suggested here.
Then, ask a potential partner to join the Internet dating service of your choice and answer at least 300 questions. It’s not hard to do 30 or so while you are waiting for your incredibly ancient overburdened computer to open Adobe Acrobat DC. The applicant (*snort) should also be willing to take 25 or so of the personality quizzes. There are thousands of questions to choose from and hundreds of quizzes to take.
A final word about OKC…Take part! Submit your own questions and quizzes for consideration by the editors. The users take an active role in the site. Many are psychologists and others with human science educations.
*See my next article: 6 ways to tell him that you are not a bootycall.
**About the AM hack: My deadend fake email was revealed by the AM hack, but nothing else. They were stupid and greedy, refusing to invest in adequate security despite their reassuring promises of confidentiality. But I don’t care about that. I am seeing an adorably hot man I met through AM. We are going on two years. He’s brilliant and hilarious.
Beginning in late 2006, I tried the major commercial dating sites. I just wasn’t quite generic enough for that audience. After a year, I felt I had given online dating a fair trial and found it wanting.
Then, I found the FREE dating site www.okcupid.com by accident in late 2007. It was purchased by Match.com in 2012, but it hasn’t changed much, and it is still free. One may answer thousands of questions and take hundreds of tests, or just a few. Write all you want. The site even has a journal feature.
Of course, the usual pluses and minuses of any online dating remain in effect. It’s easy to get invested in someone who is a close match and who you have chemistry with. I found myself distressed to learn that even men who were very close matches with me and presumably held the same values, shockingly enough, had no problem treating me like a nonperson.
Nonetheless, over the years I have looked at thousands of profiles, exchanged correspondence with hundreds, met a score, and was grateful for the two long-term relationships I established. Those relationships ended because circumstances changed, but ended amicably.
The toys on the OKC site helped me gain important self-knowledge and clarified what I really wanted in a romantic partner. Second most important, my belief that there were a ton of smart, witty, delightful, compassionate men out in the world has been reinforced time and again.
Share your positive online dating experiences here. We all know about the bad ones.
NB. No, I am not being paid a fee to endorse the site. Yes, they mine your data and don’t pay you for that either. You may place a warning in your profile denying them permission. I didn’t bother.
December is a time of regeneration, so include your romantic life in that world-wide celebration, witnessing the winter solstice.
Visit my affiliated providers so you can get the newest hot gifts for your sweetie, just in time for the Winter Holidays! You can rationalize it as a calorie-burning activity that’s lots more fun than the gym.
No matter what your age, advice and suggestions from the Love Garden Shoppe will enhance your romantic life, in whatever form it takes. We are people in our 50s and 60s who continue to enjoy a vibrant love life. Many of us have professional degrees from top schools. Many of us don’t have degrees, but we are pretty smart and focused.
This site contains adult material. It does not contain within the site any nudity or pornography. If you aren’t an adult yet but you are engaging in adult activities like this, even more important for you read.
Submit your stories about happy online dating experiences for our readers. I am an advocate of any dating plan that will help people meet a special person. I am an introvert, so I gravitate to online providers. I started in January of 2007 at the insistence of family members who saw that I was not recovering from a family tragedy. I moaned about it, but I knew they had my best interests at heart.
I started with the paid sites, first EHarmony as it’s ads led me to believe it was a civilized dating site. For me it was a dud. The designers of EHarmony are conservative Christians and I was not popular amongst the congregation. After two months I went on to Match.com. That was a waste, but I met a great friend there. After six months I pulled the plug on Match and went on to Chemistry. I had one date from Chemistry and had some hope for it.
But when Googling for a list of odd kitchen utensils, I ran across a list on a site called OKCUPID. I looked around in there for a couple of hours and I was hooked. The best part?
It’s free! You can do everything you need to without choosing some of the paid services they offer.
I built one identity. It took me a month. I read it and decided that it would be easy to learn my identity because of the user name I had chosen, so I trashed it all and started over again.
After all, what did I have to lose? In that next month I answered 1,000 questions and took 100 tests. I learned more about myself in that time that I could not have learned any other way. I sculpted, and was sculpted by OKC in return.
Users write most of the questions and quizzes. Some questions and quizzes are basics that everyone who is serious completes because they were designed by the founders and represent a common source of building community.
Outcome? I have had three great relationships in the last seven years result from my engagement with OKC that I would have never had any other way.
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