My love and I have derived endless amusement from this small package of tattoos. I wear a different tattoo every time he comes to see me, and I wear it (or them) in a different place.
It’s one of my favorite ways to keep our relationship fresh! I also enjoy wearing different duds, lingerie, and shoes of course on each date for the same reason.
I often considered getting a tattoo, yet I have remained tattoo-free all these years. Why, you may ask? Well, I knew that no matter how long I thought about a permanent tattoo, I would keep changing my mind about what it should be! I have ADD, you see, which means that I have a ravenous brain. Ravenous brain people always have to adjust their views to new data. Therefore, it is hard sometimes to make complicated decisions, like, what kind of tattoo could I love for the rest of my life? The answer turned out to be…none…for me.
The good news? I indulge in tattoo fantasies now nearly scot-free!
Learn more about Joyce here.
My life has changed completely since I began the Internet dating experiment 8 years ago. My cousins told me that it was bad for me to be alone all by myself here in the Bay Area during an emotionally vulnerable time, so because I love and respect them, I gave it a try.
Because of Internet dating, I am alive now. The compassion and connection I have developed with a few delightful men+ has kept me healthier and more grounded through some horrifying family tragedies.
I joined Eharmony in January of 2007. Match and Chemistry were both total strikeouts. By accident I found OK C**** in November of 2007 and three days later a very interesting man wrote to me. We dated for 6 years.
I am no trophy, and I am not well-off. I am 63 years old with mobility disabilities, yet I could go out with a different man every day of the year if I wished.
Women, go sign up for Ashley M***** too.** Nowhere else on earth are the odds more in your favor. I met a lovely man there 18 months ago and we are still dating. We see one another once every week or so. Please use a deadend email address, for crying out loud!
Married men or happily-married widowed men are much more reliable and considerate than single men. They are also grateful for your willingness to see them despite their marital or emotional status. Give it a try!*
Women, your account is free at A M******. AM provides tools for you to upload your photos and apply a disguise to them after upload.
During the month I had my account open, more than 600 men either indicated interest by pinging me (free to them) or paying to write me an email. At first, I wrote back to many of those men who seemed interesting. My work started to pile up because I was spending ever more increasing hours writing back to my AM contacts. At least 1/3 of these men were local and dateable. Many were divorced, many widowed, many caring for disabled spouses. Many men whose wives just stopped liking sex wrote to me.
I am sharing this because these services helped me learn more about what I wanted in a relationship and adjust my expectations about my future. I first learned about the concept of sapiosexuality from my good friend Jay Wiseman. You may know me as one of Jay’s lunch b***hs.
Anyway, my dance card is full of sapiosexuals, but if it weren’t, I would do all the things people suggested here.
Then, ask a potential partner to join the Internet dating service of your choice and answer at least 300 questions. It’s not hard to do 30 or so while you are waiting for your incredibly ancient overburdened computer to open Adobe Acrobat DC. The applicant (*snort) should also be willing to take 25 or so of the personality quizzes. There are thousands of questions to choose from and hundreds of quizzes to take.
A final word about OKC…Take part! Submit your own questions and quizzes for consideration by the editors. The users take an active role in the site. Many are psychologists and others with human science educations.
*See my next article: 6 ways to tell him that you are not a bootycall.
**About the AM hack: My deadend fake email was revealed by the AM hack, but nothing else. They were stupid and greedy, refusing to invest in adequate security despite their reassuring promises of confidentiality. But I don’t care about that. I am seeing an adorably hot man I met through AM. We are going on two years. He’s brilliant and hilarious.
By Sylvia Wells, March 12, 2015
Laura Berman, PhD, is a leading sex and relationship educator and therapist, popular TV and radio host, New York Times best-selling author, and assistant clinical professor of ob-gyn and psychiatry at the Feinberg School of Medicine at Northwestern University in Chicago.
I receive messages from her frequently, and I approve of her sensitive and accurate advice. I don’t always agree with her, but that means I mostly agree with her.
Her advice is as relevant to the SexyAt60 crowd as it is to all the rest of us.
Here is a link to her article How can you encourage sexual energy in your relationship?
Q: My wife keeps telling me that women don’t want sex as often as men do. When we have sex, she enjoys it, yet she often says she is too tired or not in the mood. I love having sex with her, but at the end of the day, it seems like it’s the last thing on her mind. Do women really just not want sex as much as men do, or is there something I can do to help her be in the mood?
A: When it comes to libido, there are no rules for what is “normal.” Some women crave sex more than their partners, while other women find that their libido lags behind their partners’ desires. In fact, the issue of libidos (when one partner wants sex more than the other) is one of the most common that couples confront. The good news is that there are several things you can do to help inspire more sexual energy in your relationship, and as long as both you and your wife are on board, there is no reason why you can’t create the frequent and passionate sex you desire.
As toddlers, preteens, adolescents, we girls are all taught the same lesson, over and over. Men are brutes who can’t think about details, will lie to get sex, and we need to settle for what we can get over that. Our only other choice is someone who is overly controlled by a religion or ideology.
Among the qualities recommended to us there was “looking more like a girl,” which always got the most votes. There’s a reason that Paul McCartney is the most famous Beatle: he looked like a lady with those big eyes and long droopy eyelashes.
I stopped trying to find men who acted like and looked like women and accepted the fact that I had no other choices, being a natural hetero. By that I mean that I did not wake up one morning and decide I was attracted to guys. This argument serves me well when I get into a dispute with a homophobe. Use your imagination.
Once I figured all of this out I just started concentrating on men’s auras in the online dating world. Being a smart girl in the years before women’s lib was a guaranteed no-prom-date scenario. I mainly wanted full-time what I had part-time in my 25-year-marriage.
After joining OKCUPID I found thousands of possible matches. Tens of thousands of men have read my profile. Thousands have written me. My hope of finding suitable romantic partners has grown immensely.
Lotsa brainiac dudes out there looking for girl geeks and boffins.
Now that I have freed my mind, something as simple as the angle of a stance can set me off. I don’t have a set of characteristics I require. I am free now to make the best choices for me, not for the other person alone.
I am free to play only with the boys who play nice when they are naughty. No drama, no drama kings. Life is too short. Oh, one more thing. No more Scorpios. I mean it.
I have come to delight in the common traits that my men share. Traits such as voraciousness, insatiability, curiosity, delight, silliness, cameraderie. Yes, I adore your man-traits. I love that you are visual and use that to my advantage. Yes, I want to give you mind-blowing head. I want you to explore me to your heart’s content.
It makes me healthier, and you too. I like dating married men. They have proven they can get along wit women and can keep committments. They don’t need training. (My rant about the unsuitability of the nuclear family will appear here in the near future.)
Here are some rules for brainiac guys who seek smart women.
- Write to me lots!
- Take lots of OKCUPID quizzes.
- Answer lots of OKCUPID questions.
- Tell me what gets you out of bed in the morning besides needing to use the loo.
I want to know how your brain works. I want to know if you are neurotic or nice before I let you get close to me.
At 62, I find myself incredibly popular. I do not understand, but I am not complaining. All of these conversations enrich me, even if we don’t “click.” I have met hundreds of men who find me charming and date-able in the last 8 months. I had to withdraw my profile so I could concentrate on my tax practice.(1)
My health is a little worse than when I last updated my profile. Nevertheless, I still have an active and joyful romantic life. It sustains me through bad times to know that there are people who care.
I now know that there are so many men who are seeking the same love, romance, and peace that I seek.
I want that when you decide you no longer want to keep seeing me, you just say so. You don’t need to invite me out to dinner to do it. I won’t think you are rude. I WILL think you rude if you try to get me to break up with you by acting like a jerk. Just do it.
I do not want to get married again. I like not being property. My self-esteem and my protective instincts operate better when I control my own space.
For example, my building super indicated that he found me a tasty morsel. He’s quite sweet, but I could not afford to surrender my autonomy to that degree. After all, he could enter my apartment any time.
(1) An EA (Enrolled Agent) designation is in my near-future. I have purchased the study materials and have two months to complete the study and the live exams. I am confident of my success.
Beginning in late 2006, I tried the major commercial dating sites. I just wasn’t quite generic enough for that audience. After a year, I felt I had given online dating a fair trial and found it wanting.
Then, I found the FREE dating site www.okcupid.com by accident in late 2007. It was purchased by Match.com in 2012, but it hasn’t changed much, and it is still free. One may answer thousands of questions and take hundreds of tests, or just a few. Write all you want. The site even has a journal feature.
Of course, the usual pluses and minuses of any online dating remain in effect. It’s easy to get invested in someone who is a close match and who you have chemistry with. I found myself distressed to learn that even men who were very close matches with me and presumably held the same values, shockingly enough, had no problem treating me like a nonperson.
Nonetheless, over the years I have looked at thousands of profiles, exchanged correspondence with hundreds, met a score, and was grateful for the two long-term relationships I established. Those relationships ended because circumstances changed, but ended amicably.
The toys on the OKC site helped me gain important self-knowledge and clarified what I really wanted in a romantic partner. Second most important, my belief that there were a ton of smart, witty, delightful, compassionate men out in the world has been reinforced time and again.
Share your positive online dating experiences here. We all know about the bad ones.
NB. No, I am not being paid a fee to endorse the site. Yes, they mine your data and don’t pay you for that either. You may place a warning in your profile denying them permission. I didn’t bother.
December is a time of regeneration, so include your romantic life in that world-wide celebration, witnessing the winter solstice.
Visit my affiliated providers so you can get the newest hot gifts for your sweetie, just in time for the Winter Holidays! You can rationalize it as a calorie-burning activity that’s lots more fun than the gym.
No matter what your age, advice and suggestions from the Love Garden Shoppe will enhance your romantic life, in whatever form it takes. We are people in our 50s and 60s who continue to enjoy a vibrant love life. Many of us have professional degrees from top schools. Many of us don’t have degrees, but we are pretty smart and focused.
This site contains adult material. It does not contain within the site any nudity or pornography. If you aren’t an adult yet but you are engaging in adult activities like this, even more important for you read.
Submit your stories about happy online dating experiences for our readers. I am an advocate of any dating plan that will help people meet a special person. I am an introvert, so I gravitate to online providers. I started in January of 2007 at the insistence of family members who saw that I was not recovering from a family tragedy. I moaned about it, but I knew they had my best interests at heart.
I started with the paid sites, first EHarmony as it’s ads led me to believe it was a civilized dating site. For me it was a dud. The designers of EHarmony are conservative Christians and I was not popular amongst the congregation. After two months I went on to Match.com. That was a waste, but I met a great friend there. After six months I pulled the plug on Match and went on to Chemistry. I had one date from Chemistry and had some hope for it.
But when Googling for a list of odd kitchen utensils, I ran across a list on a site called OKCUPID. I looked around in there for a couple of hours and I was hooked. The best part?
It’s free! You can do everything you need to without choosing some of the paid services they offer.
I built one identity. It took me a month. I read it and decided that it would be easy to learn my identity because of the user name I had chosen, so I trashed it all and started over again.
After all, what did I have to lose? In that next month I answered 1,000 questions and took 100 tests. I learned more about myself in that time that I could not have learned any other way. I sculpted, and was sculpted by OKC in return.
Users write most of the questions and quizzes. Some questions and quizzes are basics that everyone who is serious completes because they were designed by the founders and represent a common source of building community.
Outcome? I have had three great relationships in the last seven years result from my engagement with OKC that I would have never had any other way.
### End of Chapter One