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For Sophisticated Lovers

8 Sexy Ideas: Think Them Through

8 Sexy Ideas You May Want to Consider Carefully

Want to spice up your sex life? You might want to think about being more adventurous. But whether you are contemplating a sexy photo, a threesome, or having sex in a taboo setting that could risk a public viewing, you need to consider the risks involved.

“You want to live so you have no regrets, either about the things you did do or the things you didn’t do,” says licensed sex therapist Isadora Alman, MFT, in private practice in Alameda, Calif., and author of Doing It: Real People Having Really Good Sex.

That said, Alman advises being very honest with yourself about how far you are willing to go. Being a little adventurous can lead to mind-blowing sex, but before you try something new, she says, “have a conversation with yourself about it first.” Ask yourself how you would feel if your videotaped sexcapade ended up on YouTube, if you lost your job because your boss learned about what you did, or if you contracted herpes or another STD.

Here are eight sexy ideas that sound like they could be fun, but could backfire if you aren’t careful:

1. Sexting. Talking dirty can be a real turn-on, so you might be thinking about sending racy messages and photos by text — also known as “sexting.” By some estimates, close to half of your friends might already be sending or receiving sexy messages on their smartphones. But before you join in, consider what might happen to that text after your recipient reads it. “In general, I go by the rule of don’t do anything — commit to print or video or anything else — that you don’t want to haunt you,” says Alman. Even if you have deep trust for the person to whom you have sent your sext, think what might happen if they intentionally — or even accidentally — forward your message to others.

Engaging in a threesome. Otherwise known as a ménage a trois, sex between three people can be some of the most memorable and fun sex of your life, says Alman. But there are some pitfalls to watch out for.

2. Hooking up via Craigslist. If you’re eager to meet someone outside your usual social circle, you might be considering placing — or responding to — an ad on Craigslist or another free personals message service. Yes, some long-term relationships start this way, but so do nightmare situations. Be safe, warns Alman. “If you’re meeting for the first time, meet in public,” she says. Make sure someone else knows where you are going and with whom, and don’t spend time alone until you get to know this new person. “It used to be that we would only meet friends of friends,” she adds. “Now common sense must prevail, no matter how cute they are.”

3. Engaging in a threesome. Otherwise known as a ménage a trois, sex between three people can be some of the most memorable and fun sex of your life, says Alman. But there are some pitfalls to watch out for. For example, if two of the three participants are in a relationship already, it is important to talk ahead of time about what is off-limits. If you’re part of an existing relationship, you might consider setting some limits about what your partner can do with (or to) the third person. You have to be prepared for the fact that jealousy may strike, even though you didn’t think it would, Alman warns. Additionally, she says, threesomes can touch on hidden (or not so hidden) discomfort related to homoerotic experiences, as inevitably, at least two of the three participants will be of the same gender. It’s better to consider this ahead of time, rather than living with regret in the morning.

Please go to original at Everyday Health: 8 Sexy Ideas You May Want to Avoid

Learn to Make Your Love Feel New Again: Dr. Laura Berman

Learn to Make Your Love Feel New Again is an article written by Dr. Laura Berman on the Everyday Health website. Dr. Berman specializes in the study of human sexuality. She has created a website featuring her work and that of others in her field. Every weeknight she hosts a radio show.

Why Men Love Women’s Bodies

Why Men Love Women’s Bodies

By Laura Berman, PhD
Published Nov 2, 2013

Whether a man is a “breast man” or a “leg man,” it’s hard for them to resist the female figure.

If you ask your partner what he loves the most about your body, he might give you a politically correct answer like “your smile” or “your eyes.” However, if he is being honest, he might admit that your womanly features (such as your breasts and your curves) are what really draws him to you.

A recent study from the University of Nebraska-Lincoln examined exactly where the male gaze tends to fall on the female body. The researchers asked men to sit in a photo booth where they were shown an array of different women, some of which altered to have even “curvier” bodies and some of which were not altered. The researchers found that the men spent more time eyeing the women’s bodies then they did their faces, quickly zeroing in on their curves instead of other attributes such as their smiles or their hair.

Please go to Original here:

My rockin’ online dating experience!

Beginning in late 2006, I tried the major commercial dating sites. I just wasn’t quite generic enough for that audience. After a year, I felt I had given online dating a fair trial and found it wanting.

Then, I found the FREE dating site by accident in late 2007. It was purchased by in 2012, but it hasn’t changed much, and it is still free. One may answer thousands of questions and take hundreds of tests, or just a few. Write all you want. The site even has a journal feature.

Of course, the usual pluses and minuses of any online dating remain in effect. It’s easy to get invested in someone who is a close match and who you have chemistry with. I found myself distressed to learn that even men who were very close matches with me and presumably held the same values, shockingly enough, had no problem treating me like a nonperson.

Nonetheless, over the years I have looked at thousands of profiles, exchanged correspondence with hundreds, met a score, and was grateful for the two long-term relationships I established. Those relationships ended because circumstances changed, but ended amicably.

The toys on the OKC site helped me gain important self-knowledge and clarified what I really wanted in a romantic partner. Second most important, my belief that there were a ton of smart, witty, delightful, compassionate men out in the world has been reinforced time and again.

Share your positive online dating experiences here. We all know about the bad ones.

NB. No, I am not being paid a fee to endorse the site. Yes, they mine your data and don’t pay you for that either. You may place a warning in your profile denying them permission. I didn’t bother.

How to compliment a man…

Men use a lot of words to describe a woman and her attributes.  My love calls me a tomato, a hot chick, gorgeous, bodacious, beautiful, sex goddess, fox, etc. etc. etc.  Add your favorites below!

When I plumbed my mind for similar complimentary terms for my love, however, I came up short. Sweetheart, dreamboat, dreamy, hunk, hottie, and then I just got bogged down.  In search of more terms of endearment for the male I ran across this site.  Again, add your favorites in the comments section.

I do not mean to be a genderist here. Any couple will have their favorites regardless of sexual orientation.

25 Compliments for Guys They’ll Never Forget

Want to compliment a guy with a line that’ll leave him with a wide grin and an instant attraction towards you, just use these 25 compliments for guys. By Kirsten Cole

It’s easy to make a guy fall for you or make him feel more affectionate towards you.

All you need to do is compliment him with the appropriate line at the appropriate time.

Compliments make girls feel good about themselves.

But to a guy, it does more than that.

It leaves him thinking of you and your compliment for a long time.

[Read: 30 super sexy ways to keep a guy interested in you all the time]

Compliments for guys and why they work

Compliments make anyone feel happy.

But when you’re a guy, you don’t get complimented too often.

Men may crave for compliments, but that’s not because they’re needy or attention seeking.

It’s because they hardly ever get complimented.

Read on here:

Chemical Romance: How Hormones Influence Sex, Love and Relationships

The many chemicals flooding our system influence who we choose and how we feel, which means we don’t have much control over who we’re attracted to.

Photo Credit:
September 19, 2013  |
If legends of love potions and love antidotes tell us anything, it’s that ever since humans figured out they could love, they knew that love is a thing that comes from the body.

In fact, much science has been done and much ink has been spilled over how human hormones regulate lust, attraction and long-term bonding. The conclusion? We have a lot less control over who we’re attracted to and who we fall in love with than we think. Well, that explains a lot.  Here’s how the many chemicals flooding our system influence who we choose and how we feel.

Step One: Desire You’re single. You’re horny. You go out to a bar and see an attractive person laughing with friends. You instantly imagine yourself kissing, touching and having sex with that person. This is the first stage of love: desire and lust. This stage is controlled by two hormones: testosterone and estrogen (women have testosterone too, albeit in smaller amounts than men). These hormones regulate the reproductive system and activate when you find someone attractive. (This is why birth control pills can affect your sex drive. Learn more  here.) In other words, your body’s first reaction to a potential partner is, “Let’s make babies!”

Step Two: Attraction This is where love gets more complex than a simple drive to get it on. A cocktail of powerful hormones (dopamine, adrenaline and serotonin) turn us into love-struck zombies. People under the spell of these hormones spend their time thinking about the other person, eat less and even sleep less. Dopamine works to control our reward and pleasure centers. Dopamine gets activated when something good happens, something that produces a pleasurable reward. The high dopamine levels in the brain during this phase of love tell us that being around our partner is synonymous with pleasure. It’s powerful stuff: The release of this hormone in the brain of new lovers has been compared to taking cocaine! Adrenaline is also present in this phase. This is the hormone that makes your heart race, your body sweat and your mouth dry up when you go on that second date. Finally, serotonin is another brain chemical related to all sorts of systems in our bodies, including appetite, mood and our understanding of social situations. When in love, serotonin makes us adopt obsessive-compulsive behavior; this is why we can’t think of anything but a new partner. A recent discovery by Italian scientists added the increased presence of nerve growth factor in people in the attraction phase. This protein is related to the growth, maintenance and survival of neurons. Basically, during the attraction phase, your brain becomes more active. Scientists do not quite understand what this means for human sexuality and reproduction, but it’s an interesting new path to pursue. During this second phase, many chemicals in our bodies conspire to make us obsess over that new lover and to feel excited when he or she is around. Our brains develop a link between pleasure and the other person, making us want to be with them and think about them all the time. Because of the strength of this cocktail, the attraction phase can become, in itself, addictive: the pleasure we feel in this phase is lost as we move into the third step, prompting some people to break up as soon as it disappears and head out in search of a new “love high.”

Step Three: Attachment After the craziness that is the attraction phase, dopamine, serotonin and adrenaline go back to normal levels and give way to two other hormones: oxytocin and vasopressin. These two hormones are what make us stick around after the first few months of a relationship.

BW: Why Men Should Date Women Their Own Age

Compatibility, emotional maturity — and, yes, great fun — are just a few of the reasons

by Ken SolinAARP, March 13, 2013

En español | The two questions that women over 50 ask me most frequently on a date are:

  1. “Why don’t men your age date women their age?”
  2. “Are you still sexual?”

I have a lot to say about that second question, but that’s another story. Besides, I feel even more strongly about the first.

(OKCUPID.COM is free and hospitable to writers and the curious. -ed.)

Smiling couple, Dating boomer womenMen: Don’t rule out dating a woman your own age. — Jon Feingersh/Blend Images/Corbis

I have deliberately dated women close to my age for the past 15 years and I believe boomer women make ideal dates, and mates, for boomer guys. Among the reasons:

1. Boomer women are fun

I was reminded of this the night my date showed me an old photo and I started laughing so hard my face hurt. “This can’t be you!” I teased her about the crinkled black-and-white image, now more than 40 years old. “I mean, c’mon — bellbottoms and a VW van?!”

But it was true — painfully true — as were the other period details in the image, notably Sarah’s tie-dyed T-shirt and frizzy brown hair, piled high and shooting in all directions. She must have been a ball of fun back then, I thought as we sat in her living room at the end of our second date, because she’s certainly entertaining now.

Earlier in the evening we had hosted a fondue party (remember those?), then giggled ourselves silly about our flower-powered past. The combination made for the most enjoyable date I’d had in a long time — and it drove home the fact that when it comes to later-life dating, “Fun Is Job 1.”

2. Boomer women are strong

Boomer women have been through a lot. Many have taken a stand, protested injustices, marched for a cause, written letters to the editor, authored columns in print or blogs online, lobbied for social change, and done their part to make American politics more inclusive. They have demanded equality in the bedroom and boardroom, staging asexual revolution and storming workplace barriers that blocked their economic progress. Being able to draw on that hard-won inner strength in a relationship makes them rock-solid partners in every way.

Next page: Find out why time is on an older woman’s side »

NB: BW stands for Boomer Website, which now means that the AARP is for boomers. I always thought that it was for old people. Huh.

Please read the rest here:

Hello world! from the Love Garden Shoppe/What online dating can do for you.

December is a time of regeneration, so include your romantic life in that world-wide celebration, witnessing the winter solstice.

Visit my affiliated providers so you can get the newest hot gifts for your sweetie, just in time for the Winter Holidays! You can rationalize it as a calorie-burning activity that’s lots more fun than the gym.

No matter what your age, advice and suggestions from the Love Garden Shoppe will enhance your romantic life, in whatever form it takes. We are people in our 50s and 60s who continue to enjoy a vibrant love life. Many of us have professional degrees from top schools. Many of us don’t have degrees, but we are pretty smart and focused.
This site contains adult material. It does not contain within the site any nudity or pornography. If you aren’t an adult yet but you are engaging in adult activities like this, even more important for you read.
Submit your stories about happy online dating experiences for our readers. I am an advocate of any dating plan that will help people meet a special person. I am an introvert, so I gravitate to online providers. I started in January of 2007 at the insistence of family members who saw that I was not recovering from a family tragedy. I moaned about it, but I knew they had my best interests at heart.

I started with the paid sites, first EHarmony as it’s ads led me to believe it was a civilized dating site. For me it was a dud. The designers of EHarmony are conservative Christians and I was not popular amongst the congregation. After two months I went on to That was a waste, but I met a great friend there. After six months I pulled the plug on Match and went on to Chemistry. I had one date from Chemistry and had some hope for it.

But when Googling for a list of odd kitchen utensils, I ran across a list on a site called OKCUPID. I looked around in there for a couple of hours and I was hooked. The best part?

It’s free! You can do everything you need to without choosing some of the paid services they offer.

I built one identity. It took me a month. I read it and decided that it would be easy to learn my identity because of the user name I had chosen, so I trashed it all and started over again.

After all, what did I have to lose? In that next month I answered 1,000 questions and took 100 tests. I learned more about myself in that time that I could not have learned any other way. I sculpted, and was sculpted by OKC in return.

Users write most of the questions and quizzes. Some questions and quizzes are basics that everyone who is serious completes because they were designed by the founders and represent a common source of building community.

Outcome? I have had three great relationships in the last seven years result from my engagement with OKC that I would have never had any other way.

### End of Chapter One